tired and dead

This really is an SOS call. I dont understand this at all. I am a good student. My GPA proves it. I get A's. I take hard classes. These hard classes I usually get A's in. I am usually stressed while getting A's in these classes, but this is different. This is so much different. I am trying my hardest and I am not even scratching the surface. From the time I woke up in this morning until right now I have done nothing but study for my stats test. Two days ago I listened to half of a documentary, tried to fill out the paper that goes along with it so I could turn it in on Friday, but failed to do so (its ok because I realized that it was due yesterday anyway). I have a Midterm to study for next week, an introduction and outline to write, the next week I have a term paper and a book to read. I am failing and I dont know what to do.  

Research, Gandhi: A Glutten For Punishment

For my paper I am writing concerning the personalities and sufferings of civil rights activists within South Africa. I have started my research by studying Gandhi. this is in large part due to the fact that it was really quite easy to obtain an electronic of his autobiography. However,  I was learning about Gandhi's experience in South Africa and it was fairly interesting. First, he refused to stop wearing his turban in the law offices of South Africa. What is interesting was the fact that Gandhi writes that he didn't even wear his turban after he left South Africa. However, because he wore the turban one time and was asked to take it off, he just started wearing the Turban. As time continued Gandhi was asked to move from his first class seat in a train and move to another part of the train. Again Gandhi refused and was disciplined as a result. Really, Gandhi had oppositional defiance disorder. There is no other way around it. I think all revolutionaries and reformers tend to hate being told what to do. Well behaved individuals seldom make history. I think this is why Mormon's really will not make a marked impact upon society ever. We conform too easily. I mean for heaven sake we are in a school where we are required to follow a ridiculous dress and living code and no one ever does anything about it. If I weren't so dang afraid that the revolution would fail and I would be kicked out of school I would do it, but I guess that is what separates me from Gandhi. I am not afraid to jeopardize my own happiness for the betterment of society.

Classroom with a Boer

Very Interesting. That is all that I can say about the guy that came into class today. His opinion of the man that ended apartheid was so completely against what the last guy said that it was astounding. He was interesting. It was interesting to see what life was like for those who did not participate in apartheid resistance movement had to say about South Africa during this time. I liked the guy and I think that most people who were in his same case would have done the same thing. The visit from this guy de- vilinizes most White South Africans. I liked seeing another side for a change. It was pretty very interesting.

I like this guy

Although Mr. Magaziner undoubtedly does not use his real name to publish this book I really liked what the guy had to say. He is radical. This section in magaziner's book deals mainly with the emergence of the black consciouness movement in South African society. This movement is pretty awesome if you ask me. I liken it to the Nation of Islam movement under the direction of elijah muhammed and malcom X. I am guessing that the over effect of the members of Black consciousness societies were little in regard to personally changing the way things were in South Africa. However, I am betting that their radical approach toward ending apartheid tended to radicalize other groups within South Africa. Black Consciousness was the realization that Africa was for black people. They did not want or need the help of any other groups. They were here first and as a result they should keep the land. As a result when white liberals attempted to help these people they flat out rejected them. They (Black Concious leaders) saw white liberals as never truly being able to understand their situation. Moreover, they white liberals as "individuals that always new what was best for black consciousness leaders." Like the Nation of Islam in the United States, the Black Consciousness movement tended to attract youth people. Magaziner writes that the black consciouness movement and afircan in general stressed the importance of gender at this time. Men were to be men. Not only that age played a considerable role in preparing men to act in a certain manner. the black consciouness movement inspired groups such as cen to change their stance on apartheid from a good thing to a thing that opressed people like in the days of moses. I am still trying to find out what it meant about black messiah. that is still a little unclear to me.

The Lbirary

I hate doing research in the library. I am tryin to locate books and nothing is working. Is it really that hard for the computer library catalog to tell me if Kathrada's memoirs are avaliable? Is it really that difficult for the library system which is powered by syrsidenix (a computer company that has not updated its software in the past thirty years) to find out if Helen Joseph's autobiography is there. No Its not and I'll tell you why not. Systems and businesses that are seeking a profit, such as the search engine of google and amazon.com are able to tell me if they have the books I need within a matter of moments. This sucks.

My Research Paper

                I have come to a fascinating conclusion during my time of studies this semester. I love all of my classes and there is a common theme regarding all of them. Each of my classes focus on groups of individuals who deal with oppression throughout their lives. Each of my classes study the development of movements to transcend the circumstances of people where their liberty has been infringed upon. There is a wide array of people that I am studying. Whether they are Mormons fleeing persecution, or Europeans revolutionizing in an attempt to gain civil liberties, or south African’s attempting to break the strangle hold that apartheid had on nearly all facets of peoples lives.

                It is increadible for me to see how these individuals interact. What inspires them? What is it that motivates them to overcome the fear of death, persecution, and arrest? What allows them to risk everything? 

These questions have weighed heavily on my mind and I have come to a conclusion. I have decided that a revolution, a resistance, or a reformation comes about when people awaken to the realization that their civil liberties are being invaded. In other words people unite and react when they realize that their agency has been infringed upon. Indeed it is the desire to have free will that inspires people to react. That is the soul reason why people react. It is the sole reason why pioneers would be willing to settle in the middle of an arid and godforsaken desert. It is the sole reason the French members of the third estate were willing to storm the bastille. Agency is the sole reason why South African women were willing to be battered and beaten in order to obtain personal rights and reject pass laws.

              Almost paradoxically people will place themselves in a situation that is far worse then they previously were in order to obtain the ability to choose. Mormons are not willing to stay in a place where they are not allowed to practice their religion, even if their homes are comfortable. Rich Dutch merchants were not willing to stand under the tranny of a Spanish king in the late fifteen hundreds.  Nelson Mandela, and kathrada were not willing to remain lawyers in an apartheid government. Their family suffered because of that.

So it is my intention to write regarding the suffering and sacrifices of leaders in the South African Apartheid movement. It is my intention to study the lives of Mandela, Helen Johnson, Kathrada, Mahatma Ghandhi, and examine the sacrifices the made in order to obtain the liberties that should have been granted unto them since birth. I hope to examine the South African government that exists today and see if it has provided greater economic stability for all of its people, or if it only allowed them to have their agency. Whatever the answer it will show that the struggles were worth it.