A Perfect Balance

I am beginning to question a truth that I have held for a long time. For many years I have been proud that I have been a self made man. I have considered myself to be one who has overcome a great deal in life. I was born with dyslexia and ADHD and my mother was told that I would never be able to read. With the help of my parents, God, and professsionals I was able to read and go to college and if I can pass my stats class, I will graduate with a fairly good GPA from a legitimate university. 
  I have always felt that no matter how crappy of cards you have been dealt you can manage to overcome all things. This in itself is an empowering truth. It motivates and it inspires one to act and achieve great things.
While I consider this belief to have been a guiding principle throughout my life, I am beginning to believe that it does not hold true for all people. I was recently accepted into the Teach For America program and next year I will be shipping out to Compton to teach underprilidged children. I never would have taken the job if I did not believe that I could help change all of my students lives. However, I recently found out that I will be teaching children who have severe learning disabilities. This in combination with the fact that they are in low income communities presents a whole new set of challenges for myself and my children.  It is likely that if I am teaching high school special education, my average student will have my disabilities, but far more severe. It is likely that due to mental and behavioral problems my children on average will have a fifth grade reading level. In all honasty fifth grade may be too high. 
As a result I am faced with a question that I cannot answer. That question is can I honastly look at my students and with all the sincerity of my heart tell them that they can dream above the stars and if they work hard enough they can go to college. Can I look at them and tell them that they can become doctors and lawyers when the do not even know how to spell the words doctor and lawyer. 
  I have been thinking about this question for a great amount of time and have come to the conclusion that I cannot tell my students this lie. I can help them obtain good vocations and become upstanding citizens of the government, but I cannot expect the best out of them. I can expect the best that they can give, but they have been placed in a system that is broken.  
 After learning about the struggles that many leaders of South African liberation movement leaders experienced I have come to the conclusion that the most damming members of society are not oppresive minorities or majorities. These oppressers are villianous and could be defeated were it not for another group. The most damning members to a call for social change in a biggotted and broken place are infact those individuals of the minority who are "self-made." the most frustrating people to a cause are those who believe the cause is for cop outs. Those blacks who had managed to obtain a sallary that would classify them "well to do" members of a society are the greatest opponents to real and lasting change.
The attitude of being "self made" only propels yourself. It does nothing for those who still remain in bondage. Those who feel that others should just shut up and start working their way to success are absurd. I was once one of those people. But this is the truth that change does not come because people shut up succeed and think their way to success. That is a lie. Change comes because people complain. Change comes about because people react against the system. 

Everything I wish I knew as a Freshman

On Wednesday we had a meeting with two teachers on what professions you can do with a History degree. It was a paradox if you ask me. However, I learned some very valuable things. I learned that if I wanted to I could try and intern with the Dodgers as their historian. I learned that historians get paid to write and research for corrupt organizations that had Third Reich leanings during the 1930's and want the public at large to understand that they were not Nazi supporters when in all reality they really were. I also learned that a degree in family history is worth far more than a degree in regular history. I believe that. I really do. Family History is spreading like a spiritual epidemic and so you can get a degree in family history and then do something with that. 

All of this is relatively futile for me. I am a senior that will be graduating in June. I have just signed a contract with Teach for America, so my future is temporarily secure. Had I been a sophomore when I took this class, this would be incredibly helpful. 

I dont know how I feel

I don't know how I feel about pardoning a group of gents responsible for the death of another person. Both examples of what we watched were just rediculus. Why on earth would they allow amnesty to those who had killed someone? I am glad that the white famil that had their daughter killed had forgiven the men who killed their daughter, but to let murderers run free is something that I percieve as wrong. As for the cops that killed the black men what on earth were they doing letting these people free? It is understandable to forgive but recompense must be paid. It is not as if these men beat indivdiuals, on the contrary they robbed them of their lives. As such I cannot percieve how they should be forgiven just because africa was changing to a new government.

Playing the Enemy

I enjoy the authors style of writing. I think it is an increadibly difficult thing to write a non fiction book in the way that a fictional book is written. I do not know how to describe his style of writing besides the fact that he is writing like a story is unfolding right before his eyes. He is very ttalented.
 I also would love to know what it is like to personally speak with Nelson Mandela. How interesting would it be to be a world famous reporter and mingle with some of the best reporters in the world? What would be the sotires that you would tell your children. That is if you even have children. Rick Bragg once said something along these lines "reporters belong to a selfish profession and as a result are selfish" (he was a reporter divorced from his wife, but very much married to his work).
It is interesting to think that individuals such as Mandela and the reporters around him did things to change the world, but also managed to not have a personal life to not have a family. In the case of Mandela, it was not his decision, but in the case of most they do have a decision.
While I believe in the gospel I feel as though I feel that many times I am discouraged to make many huge changes in the lives of others. Maybe I should say as a member of the church I feel as though many times I am encouraged to place family above all other things. For the most part, doing so is a better decision and more meaningful than not. However, there are those few examples where placing their own dreams and own desires or at least the dreams and desire of their countrymen over their family shifts and changes the world.

ending

The closest thing that I have ever had to a functioning and real relationship ended on Saturday. The sad thing is that we weren't even exclusively dating. I liked this girl and that usually does not happen. In fact with the exception of one time I have never had this happen. Very rarely do I like an indivdual. Very rarely do I ever remain in a relationship long enough to like a girl. However, this time I think that it really happened. I really think that I liked her and in the end I got shafted. This in many cases would cause me to be upset, but I dont know what happened with me, but for the most part I am not upset.
Allow me to explain. I asked this girl if things between us were ever going anywhere. She replied with a surprising no. When I asked why she quoted her marriage and family therapy teacher who said that when you see that there is a major issue early on in a relationship you should avoid that relationship.
   When I asked what the problem in the relationship was she recalled a discussion that we had a week prior when I explained that I was stressed and when I was stressed this stress happens to boil over to other parts of my life. It tends to shift the relationship that I have with others and the relationship that I have with myself. She asked me to change it. I said that I couldn't. I wish that I could, but I cannot. Not in the way that she wanted it. Immediate and direct.
  The next week I was eating fish taco's with her and she ended it. Due to that reason. Because I could not change the fact that stress and anxiety does not change for me. It is not like a switch that I can turn on and off. It comes and it goes and I am just beginning to learn about how I work and how to manage things.
Unbeknownst to her she ended things in perhaps my most feared way. I have always feared that I would like someone and she would end it due to my depression. Change with me does not come immediately. Depression has been a constant in my life. stress that exists with that depression exists within my life is a constant. I have come to the conclusion that try as I might there will be issues that tear me up. There will be stresses that I will have.
For those of you who have never experienced such stresses and depression I wish that you never do. However, I wish you to be far more understanding of it then you already are. It is not something that can be controlled. It is not a character flaw. It is a real issue. It is a problem. For those of you who do deal with the issue, which out of twenty seven readers that I have following me I am bound to have one, I suppose you know what I am talking about.
And so you may be wondering why I am saying I am not sad about the thing I feared most happening to me. Well I don't know really. I don't really understand. There are a variety of reasons. With time and separation comes realization. I realized that this girl had her own problems. That perhaps she was not as infallible as I had once perceived her to be. Also, that experience taught me valuable lesson and I am glad that it occurred. It allowed me to come to a realization within my own life. I realized that I need someone who is understanding. I need someone who is willing to assist and help. Independence is important, but I need someone who can understand what I am going through. I am just glad to realize that she is not the one for me.
However, I think the greatest thing that I have realized and the greatest reason as to why I am not sad deals with this fact. My greatest fear has been realized and the event that occurred was far easier than living with that fear. If there is something that I have learned throughout my life it is this. That my greatest fears of failure are far more burdensome then the action. If the issue occurs again I know that I will survive. I know that I will get over it.
Well I apologize for not being funny enough. I promise that next time you tune in you will see a far different Rom.
Until next time

I hope your that the person you are dating/married to ends up breaking up with you so you can gain a valuable life lesson like I have.....

Just Kidding ; - )

Its been a while

I've been working on my paper and as a result its pretty difficult for me to get much else done. Nevertheless, this is no excuse to not get my academic journal done. Today I just wanted to write and say how grateful I am for the power of computers. I cannot think about writing this paper without the assistance of a computer. It is impossible for me to think of it. there is just no possibel way that I could have ever found the autobiography of Helen Joseph, and a time to speak  by Mike Scott. I am glad to have that and it continuously assists me.  Well thats about it, but if anyone reads this blog I think that they should read what I am going to write on my other blog.